suicide

a while back, this lady from next door commited suicide. apparently, i heard she was bothered by an illness. one early morning, she took the garbage out and then jumped from the corridor. i woke up to hear her husband sobbing his heart out at their doorstep. it was a heartwrenching scene.

i always greeted her whenever we met along the corridor, and she never failed to have a smile on her face. although she had looked frail in the weeks leading to her death, i didnt think too much of it either.

with all due respect, i always think people who commit suicide are selfish. my momma did the lot: she cut her wrists, she tried overdosing on pills, she locked herself in the kitchen and tried gassing herself. you could say that she was rubbish at it though. however, it really fucks you up especially when you are 8-9 then, and you see things like that happening, and you cant do fuck all. you feel useless and then wonder if it's all your fault - or maybe not. (maybe that explains why i am how i am today.) and then it all culminated when she jumped one sunday evening while my dad brought me and my bro out swimming . goodness knows what would have happened if my bro and I were left at home with her that evening.

i dont really blame her, partly because i was too young then, and because it's been a long while since. one thing's for sure though: she didnt care much for us. she couldnt cope with her life, copped out, so she took the easy way out and left us behind. people who commit suicide rarely think about how it affects those around them, but then they really should.